Getting Past Your Breakup – What Are Your Options?
Marital separation or divorce brings you to the what’s Next question. This article aims at raising your awareness of the choices that may confront you and shape how you cope with divorce or relationship breakup.
The loss of any significant relationship is very hard to comprehend let alone to take. Significant relationships play an important role in our lives. Who we think we are is often shaped by our relationships. Some of these relationships come to be considered as the embodiment of our hopes, fears, dreams and future, and our world.
When I was growing up, my grandfather promised to do whatever he could to support me to achieve my goal. From that moment, I saw him as my future and in fact my life. So when he was kidnapped and killed in a cold blood, life stopped, my life seemed to have come to a stand still. I never thought that I would be able to get past the pain, hurt, and the loss not only of my grand father’s murder but also the loss of my future. But some how and in a mysterious way, I got past it and that is why I am still here. In hind-sight, I have discovered that I am still alive and doing well as a result of the choices I made following such a tragedy in my life.
The loss of a romantic relationship is also devastating because they begin on such a high note and the parties invest so much of themselves, their future and hopes in it. When such relationships fall apart or breakup, it is hard to imagine how you can move on or live without the other. As one woman described her experienced to me, she said, when partner told me it was over, my life stopped, I died, it was as if he had stuck a sharp knife into my heart, my world fell apart. A thick cloud hanged over my life and world. Day became night unto me. My life will never be the same again. Yes, it will never be the same, it will be different but you will not live less if you choose to make it better.
In times like this what do you do to move on after divorce or breakup? The way to get past the breakup or separation is contingent on the choices and the decisions you make and the commitment you make.
When your spouse or partner dumps you, the decisions and choices you make will determine whether your future would be bigger, better and brighter than your past or it would be worse than your past or it would be the same.
There are at least three options available to you.
Fail to acknowledge or cope with separation or divorce realities. Drench yourself in tears or alcohol, cry yourselves to death day and night, spend all your time to call, text, email, drive around your ex’s house or work place and make yourself as miserable as you can and big your ex to take you back.
Pretend that nothing has happened and just carry on as normal or jump into another relationship to show your ex that you can pull any man or woman you like. In the short term, it may make you feel good about yourself but it is likely to end in the same way sooner or later and you would be back to square one, your heart would be broken again. I have met both male and female who have asked me if they were cursed that is why they cannot hold a relationship or why all their relationships seem to end the same way. The people in this category often blame the other person for the breakup. So they are shocked when I ask them, what needs to change about you in order for your relationship to change, their initial response varies from anger, silence etc.
Susan Elliott says, to take the time to heal properly, look at what’s happened, and learn new ways to put together a healthy and whole life with the aim of moving on after divorce or breakup and rebuilding your life. Not only will this make you happier, it will also give you the best chance to find true love with the person who is good for you.
The best option is option 3 because it assures your sustained long-term happiness, but unfortunately, most people choose option 1, and when that doesn’t work, then option 2. Why? Because:
a) They have no idea how to do the option 3-takes charge of their lives. Transition Planning UK helps people like you on how to cope with divorce/separation and take control of your life and relationship, so call now (0745 608 8439) or Register for our workshop.
b) It is a difficult path. Those who choose it, it gets to a point when the emotional pain and loneliness becomes so great that wiliness to work through it is replaced with a drive to “feel better” and put everything in the past. Even if you have every intention of getting past the breakup, both intentionally and logistically, it may seem like an impossible task because life alone seems scary and unclear. You need a companion, someone who understands and has the skills and the know how to support you in your effort. Someone who can raise you up, when you fall. Transition Planning UK is your one stop.
What you should never do
Do not get into another relationship without haven healed your heart of pain. Getting into another relationship or losing your resolve to change your life is not going to make anything better-it’s just a temporary panacea, says Susan J Elliott. She continues, In fact, a new relationship will probably be like the last one because you haven’t learned anything, nor have you worked through the pain of the breakup.
Putting your hopes and dreams on hold will not extinguish them; it will just fill you with regret at the end of the next relationship that you didn’t get going on them sooner.
Right now, the best thing to do is to meet this challenge head on, work through your grief, make those plans, and change your life. So how do you do that when you’re overcome by grief, fear of the future, and practical everyday matters?
TransitionPlanningUK.com can show you how and support you through out your breakup or divorce, so call now or Register today.