It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. (Joseph Campbell in Susan J Elliot, Getting past your breakup)
Coping with Divorce or relationship breakups
Do you know that ‘more than half of all first marriages end in divorce; 60 percent of second marriages fail?. What makes the numbers even more disturbing is that no one seems to understand why our marriages have become so fragile’. (What makes marriage work? Psychology today)
Marital separation, loss of relationship, breakups and divorce can be absolutely heart wrenching, stressful and painful to both men and women. Divorce or relationship breakups constitute one of the major transitions or turning points in a person’s life. They challenge you to redefine yourself, to think about where you have been and where you are going, to see the world and your place in the world in fundamentally different and new ways. They represent a profound and fundamental insult to your wellbeing and research shows that they impact the mental, emotional and physical health of both men and women and children. How you cope with a divorce or cope with a breakup would have a profound effect on your life and the lives of those around you especially, when children are involved.
It affects your life and the lives of those around you
In 1997 when I was working as a Roman Catholic priest at Christ the King Cathedral Parish, a woman who had been heart broken and completely wrecked by a breakup came to see me. She told me that the man who had promised to be with her forever and vice versa had dumped her. She said that they had talked about getting married and were actually planning to do so when an opportunity for him to travel to Europe came. Imagining that they had a future together, she used her money to finance his travel. Just when she thought that things were looking up, suddenly, out of the blue came the devastating news that he was no longer interested in her because she was infertile. She was in pieces and could hardly stop crying. She described her situation as follows: my whole world has fallen apart, there is nothing left for me in this world because I cannot live without him, I will kill myself. I felt sorry for her because she was really hurting and yet as somebody put, there was no injury on her body. It therefore came to her as a shock when I told her that I understood her pain but the end of her relationship could possibly be the best thing that ever happened to her because Scripture says “all things work for good for those who love Him”. That there was no need to kill herself because it was her relationship that was dead and not her and that God has a plan for good for her. So the breakup was part of that plan.
Over a period of some months, she came to see me regularly and we worked through her breakup. One day when she came to see me, she was all smiles and said, thank you. I am now at peace with myself. I would have died a useless death if I had killed myself. You were right when you said, the breakup could be the best thing that ever happened to me.
In July 2014, I worked with a woman who was stuck in a relationship that the man had told her in no uncertain terms that it was over, yet she could not get over the breakup. When we met, it had been four years since the breakup. In one of our sessions, she asked me the following questions: why is it that even when I go on a practical dating, I feel guilty. It feels as if I am doing what I should not do. Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life? I responded, no, you won’t be like this for the rest of your life, you can get pass over your breakup and you would find a man who would love as you are. Unbelievably, she got over her breakup and in six months, she was engaged to a man who adores her and loves her to bits.
Like the women above, a divorce, marital separation or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships often begin on a high note of excitement, expectation and hope for the future. So whenever the relationship breaks down, the people involved experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief. Whatever the reason for the split or breakup and whether you wanted it or not whether you initiated it or not, marital separation or the loss of a relationship can turn your whole world upside down, cause disruption to your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationship with your ex-partner’s family and friends, your identity, your work and trigger all sorts of emotional and psychological pain and responses. For example, one minute you pine to see your ex-lover, and then you are overwhelmed with anger at them. One minute you are desperate to see your ex-partner, next you can’t bear to hear their name. Divorce is associated with an increase in depression–people experience loss of partner, hopes and dreams, and lifestyle. Whilst the loss of a relationship is often painful and stressful, it is not all that bad news, good can come out of evil after surviving divorce.
Susan J Elliot says, “while the aftermath of a breakup can be devastating time, it can also be a tremendous opportunity for life-changing growth. As unbelievable as it may seem when you are in the throes of heartache, this can be a rich and fertile time when you are most open and ready to make your dreams come true. A breakup can actually be a liberating time when you take charge of your life and make positive change happen- instead of waiting around for it to happen to you”.
Coping with divorce or breakup or divorce is not easy, but it is essential for your well-being. A twenty-two year study in Europe involving 3,200 cancer patients concluded, that “malignancies are preceded by major unresolved stresses.
Questions to assess to eligibility for our how to survive a divorce workshop
- Has your partner dumped you?
- Has your spouse left you for another person? Or has your partner lost interest in you after years of marriage and love?
- Would you like to know how to get pass your breakup, heal and move on?
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions then give Transition Planning UK a call or register for our workshop.
Transition Planning UK helps people like you with how to survive a divorce or breakup; to get over your breakups and be stronger, wiser and happier and so that you are able to move forward to embrace the New Life that is waiting for you and live the rest of your life to the fullest.
Our coaching transitions program or workshop will help you to heal and moving on after divorce or break up so that you can have a fulfilling life after divorce or separation.
How to rebuild your life workshop is for anybody who has been hurt by the loss of a relationship and wants to learn the strategies for dealing with or getting over the loss of a relationship and move on to a full and happy life. The workshop will help you not only to get over your current marital separation, divorce or breakup; it will also equip you with the skills to handle any loss of future relationship. It will empower you to become strong, happy, healthy and independent person. Whether you are currently going through a breakup, or recently divorced or contemplating a divorce, this workshop will show you how to rebuild your life.
So call now or register today and start your journey towards a more dynamic, happy and healthy new life.
Marital separation, divorce, loss of relationships, breakups, etc. have the ability to make us doubt ourselves and take away all semblances of peace and assurance.
You don’t have to go through the anguish alone. We are here to help you heal after divorce and figure out how to cope with separation.
Redefine yourself in the aftermath of the affair, and learn how to mentally and emotionally ensure your health while coping with a break up.
Get in touch us today and let our consultants ensure that you discover and appreciate the new opportunities and changes life throws at you.